A Pledge

Finally, I've convinced my alter ego to blog again. Skills get rusty when not used--this dawned on me when I began writing my first assignment in my new job. After several months of not "romancing my muse", I surprisingly found myself running out of things to type in the blank page of MS Word. Ideas that came easily evaporate like damp footprints on a shore. Words seem like strangers sitting beside me on the LRT. Now, I don't know how these metaphors fair in the mind of a good reader. Oh I think that's my problem! I'm too conscious about how my words would be judged by readers. It's the fault of that dumb seminar I attended and paid for last summer. An apparently renowned writer gave the talk. She's alright. Fluent. Seems professional. She was in a corporate attire during the two sessions, I think. She's fine. But she's a god damned magazine writer. Women fashion magazines. But I learned something about passion from her and about risking. Pursue your passion even if you're not sure where you're going with it--you might be surprised. Well, I give her that credit (but she didn't even put it as beautiful as I just did haha)

Well, the point is that I got the virus she was spreading. I wanted to be a profit writer. I wanted to write for magazines because apparently, they pay well and they make you popular. I wanted to be published even if it means I'll write sell-out uncreative shitzits. Thus, I stopped writing in this blog because the stereotypical reader might not buy it.

Aside from this, I'm pressured because I was pregnant. And, if you get impregnated, unprepared and unmarried, expect the worst, even from your family. The pressure would be everywhere like zombies. On the one hand, I have my sister ridiculing me, telling me that I can't achieve anything anymore because I got knocked up. On the other hand, I have to live side by side with my boyfriend's family. Don't want to go into details, but trust me, you don't want to leave your home when you're pregnant. I was really at an all-time-low at that point. So I stupidly decided to make myself famous and get myself a normal job on a big well-known company just to taunt these animals.

And it was a big failure. I didn't actually fail. But since I was unhappy pursuing something I deem useless, I stopped. I used to be passionate with my otherworldly dreams and crazy ideas. And then I turned into a bitch bandwagon. Because of what? Because I wanted to belong. Because I wanted to be respected. I need to end this futile sojourn.

I realized that if I don't start respecting my unique weirdness, others would not start respecting me as well.

Today, after seeing my rather eccentric tattoed friend accepted in society, I got really inspired. I visited her fan page in facebook. Yes, she's now popular and is an upcoming teenage role model. I realized that as long as you stay true at what you are, you'll belong.

So now, I pledge.

I pledge that from now on, I'll be true at what I am oblivious of the approval of the unpeople.

I pledge that I will regularly write in this blog, whether it's a perfectly thought entry or just some brain fart.

I pledge that I will freely write with my soul as my pen.

I pledge that I'll not care about what the shrimpheads might comment about what I write.

I pledge that I will write and write and write and write and write...and never stop something that I believe defines who I am.